I Ate a Doritos Locos Taco and Survived

As you have probably guessed by now, I’m a man who enjoys a beer or seven. Now, after imbibing in a few beers, it usually leads to an inebriated state. This state causes us to take on a number of personalities. There’s the person that cries, the guy that wants to fight, the ex-boyfriend/girlfriend texter, the “I love you” guy and even the dude that constantly wants to high five. Me, I get the munchies. 

I’m not sure about most of you, but when I get the drunk munchies, it’s never for anything healthy. I’ve never had a few drinks and thought, “I could really go for a Caprese salad and some quinoa!” Instead, I go for whatever greasy cheap thing I can stuff in my face and recreate the game Hungry Hungry Hippos. It’s in this vein that I decided to try out Taco Bell’s latest offering the Doritos Locos taco. After missing out on the KFC Double Down, I promised myself that I would never let a fast food gimmick pass me by ever again! 

In theory, this taco is genius. Perhaps evil genius, but genius nonetheless. Let’s take nacho cheese Doritos, turn them into tortilla shells and make a taco out of it. Only a person with a special type of insight could create such a thing. Einstein had the theory of relativity, but that was just a bunch of BS numbers and letters. Plus, when was the last time you used it? When do you sit and ponder on the speed of light and Galilean invariance? That’s right, just like washing your hands after using the bathroom, it serves no purpose in you day to day life. Doritos tacos, on the other hand, fall somewhere between family and country on the priorities list.

I was afraid that the shell would be a pour excuse for a Dorito, but I was wrong. There was no difference between this and a “normal” Dorito (if there is such a thing). On the positive side, it held up as a tortilla shell well and didn’t disintegrate as I ate. Umm….that’s about it for the positives. This is one of those things that doesn’t stand on it’s own — It’s merely a sum of its parts. There’s nothing that ties it together. It’s crappy Taco Bell taco with some cheesy dusting. The Doritos don’t elevate the rest of the ingredients, nor does the taco filling make the Doritos better (if that were even possible).  On the flavor scale, this taco delivered a low score. Fortunately, though, it also delivered low on the diarrhea scale which was a pleasant surprise.

Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I must inform you that I tried this fully sober. Would I have liked it better drunk? Probably. I mean if alcohol can make we want to dance and tell my fiance that we should “talk about our feelings” I’m sure it could make a taco taste better. So while this may be a disappointment, I’m waiting for Taco Bell’s next offering. Now that’s gonna be awesome.

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